++ Picture taking is going well. I’m getting better at handling the vintage camera, although the improvement is incremental. Incremental as in, I’m able to squeeze in two or three more decent shots out of every roll I take to the store. I’ve done four rolls so far and I’ve been able to scan 9 whole pictures! I’ve fucked two rolls on the Diana Mini, and the frames stay confusing the shit out of the people at CVS, but I at least got a couple of halfway decent shots out of the second roll. Literally, two. Feel free to check out my baby steps here.
++ I’m sure you’ve already heard but in case you haven’t, go google Erykah Badu’s new video. I’m not always into her music (loved Mama’s Gun, not so much New Amerykah Part One), but when I think about “the woman I want to be,” she always pops into my head. I’ve never met her so I’m making a huge assumption here, but to me she’s the ultimate specimen of womanly confidence. Everything she is — from her music to the clothes she wears to the interviews to even the tweets I really can’t handle — seems, I dunno, (pleasedonthatemeforusingthisword) organic? She doesn’t seem all that interested in proving who she is or making a statement for the purpose of making a statement. And I can hardly imagine her questioning herself or trying to measure herself against others when she’s doing her work, and (maybe because of that) she’s a consistently productive artist. It seems wrong to say that I idolize her, but I definitely aspire to be as comfortable in my own skin as she is.
Also, I just got her new album and I have a feeling I’m really gonna like it.
++ I have no idea who Rosa Acosta is, but I know I never liked Maino. Go on girl. (But why is it so rare to see someone talking some damn sense these days?)
++ Jeff Yang tackles the issue of penis size in his Asian Pop column. I love Asian men (especially the one I’m with) and have only had the best sex with Asian men (especially the one I’m with), but for me this article brings up some old grievances on Asian love.
“I often interact a lot with Asian American guys in online forums, talking about the issues they face. And many of them really feel hard done by American culture — they feel unattractive, they feel defeated,” says [Keni] Styles. “While I have a lot of empathy, there’s a sense in which this is self-inflicted. I didn’t grow up in the States; I don’t know first-hand what they’ve been through. But I can say, I didn’t have an easy street of it myself, and you know, I’ve overcome.”
I tread lightly on this subject because I don’t want to make any assumptions about the Asian male experience here, but I’ve actually never met an Asian dude in Connecticut who wasn’t still pissed off about the way he was treated in high school. I actually got into a huge fight with my cousin over this about a year ago — I posted an article on Facebook on the fetishization of Asian women, and he took it as an opportunity to project that old anger, saying something to the effect of “Asian men have it worse, so STFU.”
I get it. I came up with only a handful of Asian people at school, and none of the girls dated the guys. Actually, many of them admitted that dating an Asian guy would feel like dating their brother (although, if I recall correctly, none of them ever tried it). I’d be pissed off too, but the rage usually requires little provocation, and I’ve seen dudes carry this anger well into their adult years. Then the attitude so often becomes, “Now that I’m hot, all I wanna do is bag white girls.” Endless cycle.
I can’t get into it anymore without oversimplifying an experience I didn’t have, so I’ll just stop there. It’s just… frustrating. On both sides. (Also, can I whine? Despite my love for Asian dudes, I don’t usually feel the love back, and I’ve mostly assumed it was because I’m too loud and bitchy and not petite enough to deal with.)
++ Not much news on moving. Gathered a bunch of quotes and out of all the companies we’ve talked to, I know which one we’re going with, but still waiting on Huz to call the Korean companies to see if we can get any “family” discounts. There’s still plenty of time to worry about stuff, and now that the word is out with everyone, I’m trying to just take a rare moment to enjoy the vision of the future.
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